Shame
by Jania Jitsu
Summary: Ch. 6 uploaded: Remus finishes telling his story. (Had to change my e-mail, so I updated that too.)
1. not on trial

  
  
  
  
  
***Title**:   
***Author**: Jania Jitsu   
***Disclaimer**: Only the idea and the fic are mine. Why do I have to put this thing on FANFICTION.net anyway? The characters mostly belong to J.K. Rowling, unless you don't recognize them- like most of the first years.   
***Feedback**: jania_jitsu@yahoo.com   
***Spoilers**: It's possible. You are warned.   
***Season/Sequel Info**: Takes place before and during _Prisoner of Azkaban_.   
***Warnings/Notes**: Why am I doing this? Cos I woke up thinking about the Harry Potter books. Really. And I wasn't even dreaming about them! I just woke up thinking about Lupin and his name. Oh yeah- and how difficult going back to Hogwarts must have been for him. But mostly his name. Then this idea came to me.   
  
By the way, I've done my best to describe the characters as I saw them in my mind's eye. I read all the books at least once or twice and I've been going through _Prisoner of Azkaban_ while writing this so I can make Lupin and Sirius accurate. I'm a stickler for detail, me [; )] but I may have gotten something off a bit. Sorry if I have. You can choose to notify me and my future stories would be grateful, but I probably won't change it here.   
  
Thank you to Kittenmommy for making me aware that I at least had something to go by for Lupin's middle name- it begins with a J. I liked Connor- aka wolf-lover, but this one works okay.   
  
  
  
  
**not on trial**   
  
  
  
  
He was medium-tall with a pretty good build, though he looked like he had been very ill lately and had lost weight as a result. He had a wide, pleasant, almost innocent face with blue eyes and a slightly crooked nose. His mouth hovered in between a smile and a frown- like he couldn't quite decide whether the situation was hilarious or depressing.   
  
Whatever "the situation" was. Perhaps it was his complicated life, or something as simple and little as the meeting he was about to go to. Though no one actually saw the meeting as simple or little. They thought it was the serious decision they would have to make for a long time. But people are like that.   
  
Out of habit, he ran a hand through his hair, which made it stick up a little oddly. He couldn't have been older than thirty-five, but one could already find strands of gray intermingled with the usual light brown.   
  
He walked up the steps and into the building. It was a very nice building, he noticed as he looked around. He walked up to the desk.   
  
"Hello," he said somewhat uncertainly to the man in the security guard's robes. "I'm here for the Hogwarts meeting . . ." His voice trailed off. Was the man even listening to him? He seemed awfully interested in his paperwork- did he know what the meeting was about? He felt his heart skip a beat.   
  
_Please, no. Everyone can't know . . ._   
  
"Down the hall and third door to the right. I'll need you to check your wand here."   
  
He nodded calmly. "All right." He pulled his wand out of his robes and handed it to the security guard.   
  
"Full name, please."   
  
"R-E-M-U-S; J-O-B-E-Y; L-U-P-I-N," he spelled out slowly.   
  
The security guard wrote the name down on a tag, which he attached to Lupin's wand. The wand went in a box full of other wands.   
  
Lupin walked down the hall until he got to the third door on the right. There he hesitated, his hand mid-air. His presence wasn't necessarily required . . .   
  
_Coward_, he thought to himself. _You're afraid of them because they know._ After a second he brought his hand down.   
  
_Yes. I am a coward. But I have every right to be. They'll tear me apart in there, and wouldn't that be ironic, since that's supposed to be my thing._   
  
Lupin jumped when the door spontaneously opened. A seemingly ancient man smiled at Lupin, his clear blue eyes twinkling, and said, "Hello, Remus." He had a kind voice.   
  
"Hello, Professor Dumbledore."   
  
"Come in. We were just about to start."   
  
Lupin took a deep breath. _Can't back out now . . ._ He mustered up all his courage and walked into the room.   
  
Lupin didn't know what he had been expecting, but it wasn't that bad. They didn't shout or boo him out of the room, or throw things. There weren't even any hissed insults as he walked past. Lupin suspected this was mainly because the meeting hadn't started and because Dumbledore was there.   
  
They had to use a courtroom because there wasn't a place outside Hogwarts's Great Hall that was large and convenient enough for everyone to meet. Every Hogwarts teacher was there, even Sybill Trelawney, the spacey Divination teacher. There were concerned parents and citizens. And- Lupin almost gasped. He hadn't known he was important- nay, controversial enough for them to call in Cornelius Fudge, the Minister of Magic himself.   
  
The room was full of people, and every one of them went quiet as they heard the door shut. Every head turned to stare at him. This, understandably, made Lupin very nervous. He had a silly urge to growl, or at least smile and wave, but either action would probably have done him more harm than good. So he just stood there awkwardly. With his incredibly sensitive hearing he picked up sounds from all over the room. Whispers about him.   
  
  
"That's him."   
"_That's_ him?! He looks so normal. Nice, even."  
"Yes, but remember what he is."  
"I know, but Dumbledore trusts him . . ."  
"Dumbledore trusts everyone. He'd trust You-Know-Who if he cried enough."  
"The full moon was last week . . . d'you think . . .?"  
"Of course, you ninny! Every full moon, without fail."  
"That's terrible!"  
"Don't feel sorry for that creature. He's a monster. "  
  
  
  
Lupin winced as he heard those words. He felt Dumbledore give his arm a reassuring pat.   
  
"Let's sit down, Remus."   
  
Unfortunately, there were only so many places left to sit. And no one wanted to sit next to Remus Lupin. Not now that they knew.   
  
So Lupin, knowing this, sat down in what would normally have been the defendant's chair. Dumbledore sat down next to him. It was symbolic, him sitting in the lawyer's chair instead of the one that had been saved for him. He wouldn't let them beat Lupin down. He would fight for Lupin's rights.   
  
_I'm a poet and I didn't know it . . . _ Lupin giggled giddily inside his head after discovering the rhyme.   
  
The two chairs had been turned around so they faced everyone in the room. This wasn't a trial, Lupin reminded himself. It was a meeting.   
  
The meeting started off with all the usual formalities of a meeting. Lupin paid some attention, but his stomach was doing flip-flops and his brain was racing.   
  
People were standing up- one at a time, to keep things orderly- and giving their opinions. Fudge had to call for order a lot.   
  
Most of the opinions were rude and all of the arguments were heated, but that, too, was to be expected. It didn't bother Lupin that much. He had heard it all before.   
  
"Yes," a man said, raising his hand as he stood up, "I have something to say." He looked around the room as he spoke. When his eyes reached Lupin they narrowed. "Dumbledore is a good man, and I have never seen him deliberately make a bad judgment or put a child in danger. But he's gone too far this time. That man- no, that _thing_ is an abomination. You all know what it is. You can't control something like that. Not with a potion or a spell or a locked room."   
  
Lupin hated himself for the way his eyes teared up at those cruel words.   
  
"I think that he should be locked up, and a full investigation should be put forward. We must find these werewolves and take them into custody."   
  
"Oh, shut up Guidewater," an annoyed voice from the back said boredly.   
  
Lupin's mouth opened with surprise as the whole room turned around to look at the speaker.   
  
"Severus Snape," Roy Guidewater sneered. "I'm surprised to see _you_ sticking up for that thing."   
  
Snape stood up- the better to glare at everyone in the room. "'That thing'," he said in a condescending voice, "is a human named Remus Lupin. And I'm pretty sure . . . actually, hold on for a moment. Let me ask." He turned to face Lupin. "Lupin, you're a man, aren't you?"   
  
"Last time I checked," Lupin answered with guarded amusement.   
  
"There you go," said Snape with a gesture in Lupin's direction. "From his own mouth. Now, unless you'd like to investigate that claim, I suggest you drop the subject. Objections?"   
  
No one said a word. They were all speechless.   
  
"Good. Now as to the matter of Lupin becoming a professor. I have only three words that will sum up my feelings: I've. Seen. Worse.   
  
"Are you not the same people who chose Gilderoy Lockhart? Do I need to remind you what a _mess_ that was?"   
  
Several people in the room looked down at their hands, very sheepish. "The Lockhart Matter" was a subject to be avoided, at best.   
  
Snape gave a laugh that made some people shiver. "I see I don't. Good. Then I can tell you that, even though I've been wanting the Defense Against the Dark Arts position myself, if I couldn't get it then Lupin should. Don't even bother taking a bloody vote on this one. Just trust Dumbledore's judgment. Lupin went to Hogwarts for seven years without a single mishap. And only five students besides himself knew of his condition, and where he went every month.   
  
"Perhaps some ignorant idiot could say that it was just luck." Snape shrugged, as if to say, _why not_? "But if it was- which I can assure you that it was _not_ luck- we are taking extra precautions this time. I have come across a particularly effective wolfsbane potion that will allow a werewolf to keep his human mind during and after the transformation."   
  
Lupin's head snapped up, his eyes wide. If he had been surprised before, when Snape stood up for him, he was positively flabbergasted now. In the back of his mind he was suspicious- why would _Snape_ do this for _him_? But in the front of his mind he was barely capable of coherent thought.   
  
_No more Shrieking Shack. No more Whomping Willow. No more waking up not remembering whether or not I've bitten or killed anyone._   
  
And- was it too much to hope for?   
  
_Human contact . . ._   
  
  
  
  
_To Be Continued_


	2. vague clarification

  
  
***Author**: Jania Jitsu   
***Disclaimer**: Not mine . . . not mine . . . not mine . . . though I wouldn't mind a younger Lupin or Sirius . . . not mine . . . not mine . . . not mine . . . make them around seventeen to twenty, please . . . not mine . . . not mine . . . not mine . . .   
***Feedback**: jania_jitsu@yahoo.com   
***Spoilers**: It's possible. You are warned.   
***Season/Sequel Info**: Takes place before and during _Prisoner of Azkaban_.   
***Rating**: PG-13   
***Warnings/Notes**: Again, I've done my best to describe the characters as I saw them in my mind's eye. I read all the books at least once or twice and I've been going through _Prisoner of Azkaban _ while writing this so I can make Lupin and Sirius more accurate. I'm a stickler for detail, me [; )] but I may have gotten something off a bit. Sorry if I have. You can choose to notify me and my future stories would be grateful, but I probably won't change it here.   
  
  
Hey, for all the people who asked, remember that that was just the first part. This is gonna be an on-going thing. Why did Snape stick up for Lupin? Cos it's more interesting, of course! Below is a bit of the explanation, but maybe he's lying . . . who knows . . . I realize now that I should have posted this part with the first. Sorry. Am I forgiven? (impish grin)   
  
  
  
  
  
**vague clarification**   
  
  
  
  
  
"Severus!"   
  
Snape stopped, turned around, and waited for the man to catch up with him. He might not have ordinarily, but he was so startled that he had been called by his first name- and it wasn't Dumbledore shouting for him.   
  
"Lupin," he said with a sneer. "Condescending to talk to a non-Marauder? Oh- I forgot. You're the only one left. Well," he shrugged, "I guess you have to talk to _somebody_."   
  
Lupin's face displayed a rare frown. "I just came to thank you for helping me in there. I really needed this job."   
  
"Goody for you." Snape started to walk away, which was a signal that the conversation was over, but Lupin obviously didn't understand that, as he continued to follow Snape.   
  
"Why did you help me?" Lupin asked.   
  
"Suddenly not grateful anymore?" Snape inquired.   
  
"No, I'm still grateful, just curious. Why did you help me if you hate me?" he repeated.   
  
"I'm a good boy- I don't hate _anyone_," Snape said in an extremely sarcastic voice that clearly stated that he _did_ hate, and not just anyone- it said that he hated Lupin.   
  
"Of course you do," Lupin said. "You hate me. So why would you want to stick up for me in front of all those people?"   
  
Snape sighed in exasperation. "You're like a nosy little first year, Lupin," he muttered. "Do you really want to know?" Lupin nodded. "Dumbledore told me to," Snape said frankly. "He told me that he trusted you. And I owe him a big one."   
  
With that, Snape walked off, leaving Lupin to wonder what debt was so big that Snape still spoke of it in the present tense.   
  
  
  
  
  
  
Author's Note: Yes, this part's short. Gimme time, I'm trying to get into the story.   
  
  



	3. the history light (like a child)

  
  
  
***Author**: Jania Jitsu   
***Disclaimer**: Still not mine. >: (   
***Feedback**: jania_jitsu@yahoo.com   
***Spoilers**: It's possible. You are warned.   
***Season/Sequel Info**: Takes place before and during _Prisoner of Azkaban_.   
***Rating**: PG-13   
***Warnings/Notes**: I've done my best to describe the characters as I saw them in my mind's eye. I read all the books at least once or twice and I've been going through _Prisoner of Azkaban_ while writing this so I can make Lupin and Sirius more accurate. I'm a stickler for detail, me [; )] but I may have gotten something off a bit. Sorry if I have. You can choose to notify me and my future stories would be grateful, but I probably won't change it here. (I think I'm just gonna leave that part there as kind of a second disclaimer.)   
  
Apparently people are saying that Harry was born in 1980, which means his parents died in '81 and he went to Hogwarts in '91. I say screw that. I started writing this story assuming that he was born in 1985 and that's how I'm going about it. (Just call me a stupid American. I won't mind too much.) This means that Harry's parents died in '86 and he went to Hogwarts in '96 Book one is in 1996-97, book two in 1997-98, book 3 in 1998-99, and book four is 1999-2000.   
  
Also, I had to set everyone's ages, cos Lupin is the main character here. Snape, Lily, James, Sirius, Lupin, and Peter all were in the same year, though some now look older than others. That's understandable, as some are dead and some have been under a bit of stress lately. I just said that Lily and James got married at 19 (since they were high school sweethearts) and had Harry at 20. They died when they were 21. That makes Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, and Snape 33 in Harry's third year.   
  
Got all that? Good. Then let's get started before the notes get longer than the fic . . .   
  
PS: I remembered to call the bathroom the "loo"! And I said "kilometer" instead of "mile"! Aren't you all so proud of the stupid American?? : )   
  
PPS: I'm kinda disappointed that the first part confused people instead of intriguing them. It was supposed to make you go, "HUNH? Why would Snape DO that? What's his motive?" I guess I didn't write it well enough. Ah, well. We all try our best and I'm most certainly not perfect.   
  
  
  
  
  
**the history light (like a child)**   
  
  
  
  
  
Lupin boarded the Hogwarts Express for the first time in about fifteen years. He got a very nostalgic feeling that he would have rather not gotten. Especially since he was sitting in the last car of the train. That had been the Marauders' car.   
  
Speaking of Marauders past and present, that was the reason Lupin was riding the train in the first place. Sirius Black, also known as "Padfoot", had escaped from Azkaban just recently. Lupin knew that if anyone could, it would have to be Sirius.   
  
Sirius- who had killed a dozen or so Muggles with a laugh.   
  
Sirius- who had killed Peter with them.   
  
Sirius- who had betrayed James and Lily.   
  
Lupin could barely think of that without wanting to scream or cry. More likely both. He felt so bad now for suspecting Peter of being the traitor. How could he have not seen that Sirius was the real traitor? Yes, Lupin had been ill. Yes, he had to go away for weeks at a time, sometimes without notice or explanation, but he still should have _seen_!   
  
But, then, how could he have? How could he have known that his best friend would turn against them all? Why couldn't it have been Snape, or . . . or _anyone_, just so long as it wasn't a Marauder!   
  
Lupin didn't want to think about that selfish thought now. He had to concentrate. He was here to protect the children. To protect Harry, specifically. From his own godfather. How sad was that?   
  
Lupin wiped away the solitary tear that had somehow escaped his eye.   
  
_That's my Sirius tear. My tear for Sirius. The only one to escape. _   
  
Somewhere in Lupin's tired mind this made sense. He pondered it as he slowly fell asleep, still exhausted from the recent full moon. But when he was asleep he thought of that no more. Instead, he dreamed of four young boys who were up to no good.   
  
  
  
  
_I am so blind tonight   
from the history light   
  
everything that's ever happened to me  
is in my head tonight   
it's kinda nice not to see another sight  
till I rest awhile ...  
  
everything that's ever been said to me  
is in my head tonight  
it's kinda nice not to hear another sound  
till I rest awhile   
  
and all I need is sleep   
rest awhile, sleep like a child   
sleep, rest awhile, sleep  
I am so blind tonight from the history light_   
  
  
  
  
~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~   
  
  
  
  
Remus Lupin sat alone, just as he always did. He was in the back car of the Hogwarts Express. The only empty car, as fate would have it.   
  
One part of Remus was ecstatic that he had been given the chance to go to school. The other part of him was terrified.   
  
What if someone found out about him? What if he made no friends? What if no one liked him? What if they _hated_ him? What if they beat him up? What if he failed all his classes and they sent him home? What if he messed something up and everyone laughed at him and _then_ they found out?   
  
Remus had a lot of fears.   
  
  
  
  
James Potter had only been on the Hogwarts Express for twenty minutes and he had already made a friend and an enemy.   
  
Sirius Black was a tall, skinny boy with raven-black hair a bit past his chin and chocolate brown eyes that twinkled with mischief.   
  
James was good at mischief. So was Sirius. They had bonded playing a trick on a greasy-haired boy by the name of Severus Snape.   
  
Now that all Snape's allies- of the Slytherin persuasion, no doubt- were after them, James and Sirius were looking for somewhere to hide. They were running recklessly through the cars of the train, but suddenly the cars ran out. There was only one more left.   
  
James looked at Sirius, who looked back at James. They both shrugged and went in.   
  
At first they didn't see anything, but then James pointed to a corner. Sirius's eyes followed the path of the finger. Sitting in the corner was a boy about their age. He had neat brown hair and a generally good and tidy appearance. They couldn't tell much more about him, though, because he was asleep.   
  
_Should we play a joke on him?_ James mouthed.   
  
"No," Sirius whispered. "Look at him. I think he's ill or something." James looked more closely. Sure enough, the boy's face was ashen and his skin pale. Something was wrong with him. He frowned and began tossing and turning in his sleep.   
  
"We should wake him up," James said, stepping forward. He extended a hand and gently prodded the boy's shoulder.   
  
"NO!" the boy shouted, causing James and Sirius to jump back. His eyes flew open- startling James and Sirius with their terrified, almost tearful look- and his arms flew up over his face.   
  
"Whoa!" James shouted. "Calm down!"   
  
The boy sat, shaking and panting, his blue eyes wide. His face was covered with sweat. He looked as if he had just run a kilometer or two.   
  
"We come . . . in peace . . ." Sirius joked nervously.   
  
"I-I'm sorry," the boy stammered. "I-I was h-having a-a nightmare."   
  
"Must've been pretty bad," James remarked. "What was it about?"   
  
The boy's head snapped up. He stared at James with a strange look in his eyes. James was shocked to realize that the boy _feared_ him. James mentally shook himself. It couldn't be _him_ that the boy feared. It was probably something else.   
  
"You don't have to say if you don't want to . . ."   
  
They were all awkwardly silent for a minute. Then Sirius heard a noise. Someone was coming. It didn't take Sirius three tries to guess who.   
  
"Shit, James, we've got to hide!"   
  
"Where?!" James demanded.   
  
"Here," the boy said, unexpectedly taking charge, "You-" he pointed to James, "in the luggage compartment. Hold on; I'll give you a boost. You-" he indicated Sirius as he shoved James up, "in the loo, there."   
  
Sirius slapped his forehead as he closed the door. "Can't be_lieve_ I didn't see that!"   
  
  
  
  
Remus had settled back down by the time the pack of Slytherins and Slytherins-to-be came into his train car. He pretended to be asleep.   
  
"Should we ask him if he's seen them?" a voice asked.   
  
"No," a second voice replied. "He's probably been asleep the whole time. Let's go back. We probably just missed them." Remus heard the door closed and opened one eye slowly. They were all gone.   
  
He jumped up from his seat- adrenaline still running through his veins- and knocked on the bathroom door.   
  
"Come on out, they're gone."   
  
He pulled open the door to the luggage compartment and the boy in there fell out onto the floor, his black hair even messier than it had been before.   
  
"I'm sorry! Are you all right?" Remus asked apologetically.   
  
"I'm fine," he gasped, out of breath, as his hand scrambled about for his glasses. "Just winded."   
  
"James!" the other black-haired boy came out of the bathroom. "Was that thump I heard you? _Are_ you okay?"   
  
"He doesn't look so good," Remus admitted.   
  
"You can't die, James," Sirius exclaimed, half-jokingly, "you're my first friend here! I couldn't handle it if you died, especially since it would be all my fault. I can't take that kind of pressure. _Are_ you okay?"   
  
"I'm _fine_," he assured them. "See?" He stood up to prove his point. "Thank you for saving our asses," he said to Remus with a grin. "I'm James Potter."   
  
"And I'm Sirius Black," the other said.   
  
Remus shook both their hands shyly. "I'm Remus Lupin."   
  
"Well, Remus Lupin, are you a first year like us?"   
  
Remus nodded. "Yes, but I don't know very- actually, I don't know anyone yet besides you two."   
  
It was then that the door opened with a little squeak. James and Sirius's eyes went wide- was it the Slytherins?   
  
But it wasn't. It was a short, chubby boy with blondish hair.   
  
"Is there a loo in here?" he asked, shifting from foot to foot.   
  
Remus nodded, and pointed him towards the door.   
  
While the boy was in the bathroom, a nice witch came by with a cart full of all kinds of candies. Remus used some of the money his father had allotted him to buy something. He ate hungrily.   
  
"God, Remus," James said with a laugh, "have they been starving you at home? You eat like a wolf!"   
  
Remus stopped dead, a hand holding a chocolate bar poised half-way to his mouth.   
  
"A wolf?" he asked, his voice high and nervous.   
  
Sirius looked at him curiously but, lucky for Remus, the boy came out of the bathroom just then.   
  
"Oh," he said, disappointed. "I missed the candy cart."   
  
"Here," Remus said immediately. "You can have some of mine." He really didn't _want_ to share. It was more of an instinct.   
  
  
  
_"Share with your little sister, Remy," the woman said. She smiled. "People love people who share."_   
  
  
  
"What's your name?" Sirius asked the boy as he sat down.   
  
"Peter. Peter Pettigrew."   
  
Remus smiled weakly. "Nice to meet you, Peter."   
  
  
  
  
  
~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~   
  
  
  
  
  
Lupin's subconscious told him that something was wrong when the Hogwarts Express stopped. Not wanting to leave his surprisingly detailed dream, he ignored it for as long as he could. Soon, though, there was noise, and Lupin was forced to open his eyes.   
  
It was dark inside the train car. Hoping his eyes didn't still glow from his last transformation, Lupin looked about in an attempt to figure out what happened.   
  
Several young voices were talking frantically, impairing Lupin's hearing with their noise.   
  
"Quiet!" he shushed, his voice still hoarse from the long, deep sleep. Lupin stood up and muttered, "_Igniculus_," causing a little ball of fire to appear in his hand.   
  
He looked around. There were five children in the room: two Lupin didn't recognize; then two who had to be Weasleys, judging by their hair; and the last one . . . the last one could only be the son or the clone of James Potter.   
  
Images of James and Lily's funeral flashed through Lupin's mind. As did everything terrible that he had ever done. And, like that, Lupin knew why the train had stopped.   
  
"Stay where you are," he ordered. He needed to get the Dementors before they got here, to Harry.   
  
Lupin felt a sinking feeling in his stomach- the beginnings of a depression- and he knew that it had already come.   
  
The world nearly vanished around Lupin as the door opened and he was plunged into a world of despair. But he had felt worse than this before, and he knew how to deal with it.   
  
"None of us is hiding Sirius Black under our cloaks," he told the Dementor in as strong a voice as he could manage. "Go."   
  
Lupin hadn't really expected the Dementor to leave, so he wasn't surprised when it didn't. He raised his wand and pointed it at the Dementor. "_Expecto patronum_!" he said quietly, but confidently. He put his hands up to massage his pounding head as his silver Patronus shot out of his wand to defend them, like a knight in shining armor.   
  
When Lupin opened his eyes the Dementor was gone. Just like that. Lupin turned around and saw Harry lying on the ground. He rushed over in four quick steps.   
  
"What happened?" he demanded.   
  
"Th-the Dementor," the Weasley girl said, shaking as badly as her voice was. "Harry . . ."   
  
"Something happened to him," said the other girl, absently twirling a lock of her bushy brown hair around one finger. "He fell out of his seat and he started shaking. Like a seizure."   
  
Lupin frowned. "Watch him. I'll be right back."   
  
He walked down through the train cars looking for the witch who always came down with the candy.   
  
"Look who woke up," the she said, a smile breaking onto her face. "Have a nice nap?"   
  
"Until a Dementor came," Lupin replied. "I need some chocolate for the children in the back car."   
  
"How's this one?" she asked, displaying a candy bar that could easily have been five.   
  
"That'll do."   
  
Lupin paid for the candy and walked back to the car with precise, efficient steps. He opened the door, frightening the children inside. Without a word, he sat down on a seat and started unwrapping the chocolate bar.   
  
He snapped a bit off the bar and handed it to the little Weasley girl, who was shaking. "Eat this, dear," he said quietly.   
  
She frowned, like she wanted to ask a question, but instead took the chocolate. On the opposite side of the car Harry was starting to stir awake. Lupin stood up to see Harry over the other three children's heads.   
  
Harry seemed okay, except for the after-effects of the Dementor, so Lupin moved back to his chair and began breaking chocolate again. The rush of the fight had worn off, and Lupin was left wearier than he had started off.   
  
_You can't be doing this sort of thing so soon after the full moon, Lupin_, he admonished himself. _It's not good for you. You'll hurt yourself._   
  
Ignoring his fatigue and aching bones, Lupin turned to Harry, handing the boy a piece of chocolate. "Here. Eat it. It'll help."   
  
  
  
  
"Is everyone all right?" Dumbledore asked, though he probably already knew.   
  
Lupin nodded. "Just shaken."   
  
"And Harry?"   
  
Lupin had long ago learned to control his surprise every time he learned- again and again- that Dumbledore knew everything.   
  
Well, hopefully he didn't know _everything_, or else there would be three very ashamed Animagi . . .   
  
But, then, it was only he, the only non-Animagus Marauder, who was left to be ashamed. Lupin guessed that Sirius Black wasn't ashamed by anything anymore.   
  
_Why are you doing this?_ Lupin asked himself furiously. He had been just fine- or mostly fine, anyway. Now he wasn't.   
  
Was it the new job? Probably. Was it Harry? Almost certainly. Was it Sirius?   
  
Definitely.   
  
  
  
  
  
**MORE notes. Don'cha get sick of me? (don't answer!) : ) :** "_Igniculus_" means "a little fire, flame, or spark" in Latin. Don't blame me if I've gotten it wrong, I used an Internet English-to-Latin dictionary.   
  
And, I know, I've committed a songfic. I'm sorry. Really. But I was listening to Dogstar's "The History Light" and I was like, "Whoa, dude, this song does a most excellent job fitting with my most heinous fan-fiction story!" (That was a joke, for any of you who know the name of Dogstar's bass player. If you don't, and that fact really bugs you, you can e-mail me and I promise to reply nicely.) When I insert a song, three dots in a row with a space between each dot (. . .) means a pause or drawn out note. Three dots with no spaces (...) means I've edited or abridged the lyrics to suit my purpose. I thought I would warn in case I commit this "most heinous" crime again. : )   
  
  



	4. secrets and lies

  
  
***Author**: Jania Jitsu   
***Disclaimer**: Oh, yeah, lemme tell ya. They're mine, all right. Hermione makes my dinner and Sirius serves it on a silver platter that Ron cleans with a toothbrush. Lupin walks my dog and Draco cleans my toilets, cos he's a nasty little bugger, even though I imagine him cute and wish he were a good guy. For real? Uhh . . . just think about it a moment.   
***Feedback**: jania_jitsu@yahoo.com This fic is my baby, so don't drop it on its head or shout at it or I may get defensive. In other words? I ADORE making fun of flames. If you flame me (e-mail or review me with no constructive criticism, just stupid brainless insults) I WILL publicly ridicule you. I will go so far as to add your review to the next part of this story just so I can make fun of it. But we're all nice people, here, so I'm sure that won't happen, right??   
***Spoilers**: It's possible. You are warned.   
***Season/Sequel Info**: Takes place before and during _Prisoner of Azkaban_. And I've decided that this'll go after, too, given the plot I'm busy setting up.   
***Rating**: PG-13   
***Warnings/Notes**: I've done my best, but I may have gotten something off a bit. Sorry if I have. You can choose to notify me and my future stories would be grateful, and I'll probably change it here, too. (I think I'm just gonna leave all that there as kind of a second disclaimer.)   
  
Want an explanation for "Jobey"? Well, I thought it was pretty cool, first of all. I had him as Connor ("wolf-lover") because I like names with significance, but then people pointed out to me that his middle name begins with the letter J, so I changed it. There weren't a lot of good J names, so I chose Jobey, which is Hebrew for "persecuted". I dunno, I thought it worked. Yes, that means Lupin's name means Speedy Persecuted Wolf-like. (LOL- it's actually really funny when you look at it like _that_!)   
  
I wanted to warn you that this story is probably going to be very long, even though I'm planning on breaking it down into at least two major stories. So don't get worried when I go into one of my diatribes about Lupin's past. : ) There is an actual story in the works, not just flashbacks. I figure, hey, Lupin has a lot to think about. Let him think for a while, while he has the chance. (Which would be _before_ I get to the plot- there's a lot of room here.) Then we can get to the important stuff. And- hey- who knows? Maybe Lupin will tell me something useful. Like who I should set him up with. Or if I should set him up at all. Apparently (from what he's been telling me) he really wants love, but is terrified of rejection. Go figure. That's what you get, letting people talk inside your head.   
  
  
  
  
  
**Much ice-cream and many hugs to my Beta-Readers, Scarlet and Jess.**   
  
  
  
  
  
**secrets and lies**   
  
  
  
  
  
Lupin walked towards his classroom, not making a sound. He got to the doorway and pressed his ear to the door. The children were already inside. He could hear them talking. Lupin checked his schedule. First year Ravenclaws. He had just gotten through with the fourth year Slytherins, which had been interesting.   
  
Lupin pushed the door open a crack and waited a second. No one had heard. They were still talking. Lupin peeked in through the cracks and watched them. He had a minute and a half until class started.   
  
"D'you think they'll make us fight vampires or anything?" a short little boy asked worriedly, obviously terrified at the thought of vampires.   
  
"Why would they?" a girl with an odd accent replied. "This is only our first year. They can't expect us to know anything."   
  
Lupin frowned, listening to her talk. Her accent sounded Scottish, but it was . . . different. Watered-down.   
  
"You never know," another girl said. "My big brother said they did something with a Boggart."   
  
Nearly the entire room gasped. The rest of the students decided to enter the conversation.   
  
"What happened?"   
  
"Professor Lupin won't expect us to-"   
  
"I don't know . . . would he?"   
  
"Would they _let_ him?"   
  
"I wonder if he's any good."   
  
"Not if you listen to Professor Snape."   
  
"Who listens to Snape the Snake anyway?"   
  
Lupin- with some effort- wiped the smile off his face and chose this moment to enter the room. He had watched them a bit longer than he had intended to. It was time for class to begin.   
  
The students all turned their heads to the squeaking door. Lupin wondered idly what they saw. He was feeling much better, though he probably didn't look it. Then there was the state of his robes and his briefcase. Years ago Lupin would have been ashamed of the patches and tatters. But Lupin was trying not to think of years ago. He wasn't Moony any more.   
  
He was at his desk now. He looked at the room through his peripheral vision- eyes followed his every movement.   
  
_Better make 'em good then, Lupin._ He had already decided what he wanted to do.   
  
Lupin put his briefcase down on his desk and looked up at the class with a critical, but indifferent gaze. Countless eyes of all different shapes and colors looked back at him, expectantly. Lupin cleared his throat.   
  
"Well," he said in a cold voice that he mentally thanked Snape for, "I hope you've been doing your reading. I'll need an essay on chapter twenty-three by next class. Five feet of parchment."   
  
The first years' eyes went wide and their mouths dropped open with disbelief. They hadn't read the entire book, of course. One child was about to protest, and another to cry, when Lupin did something they really hadn't expected.   
  
He laughed.   
  
"Just kidding," Lupin said with a smile, much to the relief of his students. "I'm Professor Lupin, and you're in Defense Against the Dark Arts. Given that you're first years we'll have to go kind of slow, but the idea is for you to learn. Yes, you in the back, we're actually here to _learn_."   
  
The boy smiled, reminding Lupin of some blend between James and Sirius.   
  
"Now, what's your name?"   
  
"Me?" the boy asked.   
  
"Yes, you."   
  
"Isaac."   
  
"All right, then, Isaac. Tell me: what do you know about hex reversal?"   
  
  
  
  
Lupin was satisfied with his day. The students had done well and he had kept memories to a minimum. All business was he.   
  
  
  
_"Come on; get up already." Sirius ordered. He was bouncing up and down on the bed, obviously hyperactive.   
  
Remus decided to ignore him. This was obviously the wrong decision.   
  
"No, stop that blasted homework. All work and no play makes Moony a dull boy!"   
  
"That's really clever, Padfoot. You should put it in a greeting card. You should start your own line- you'd be wonderful."   
  
"I know, but thank you anyway."   
  
Remus rolled his eyes. "Oh, and so modest, too."_   
  
  
  
The most difficult class, of course, was the third year Gryffindors, but it was also Lupin's favorite. Harry was a little clone of his father, except for a sliver that Lily had claimed for herself.   
  
Lily. Now that name brought back memories. As did James and Padfoot and Moony.   
  
  
  
  
  
~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~   
  
  
  
  
  
"Come on," James Potter coaxed. "What's the matter?"   
  
"Whatever it is, we won't tell anyone," Sirius Black promised. He held up two fingers. "Scout's honor."   
  
Lily Evans, who was walking through, heard this and laughed. "Wrong fingers, Siri. And I'm not telling you _anything_ more about Muggles if you're going to abuse the knowledge. Now, _what_ are you doing to my poor Remy?"   
  
"Hey," James teased, "whose girlfriend _are_ you?"   
  
Lily smiled wickedly and sat on the arm of Remus's chair. "Oh, I dunno," she said, "I think I like Remus better. He's sweeter, and _much_ more sensible." She looked at Remus, who was blushing furiously. "What do you say, Remy? Wanna elope?"   
  
Remus, deciding to play with the joke, shrugged and laughed. "All right."   
  
"Great!" Lily landed in his lap- right on top of his homework scroll- with a plop, surprising the entire room.   
  
James jumped up. "Now, just a minute, Lily!"   
  
"Not now, Jamey," Lily said mock-crossly. "Remus and I are trying to make out passionately." She turned back to Remus and pretended to look deeply into his eyes. They were very pretty, but very odd- blue, with lots of honey-amber yellow.   
  
"He could _use_ a good snogging," Sirius said with a grin.   
  
"Oh, look who's clever!" Remus threw a stray scroll at Sirius, who ducked out of the way just in time.   
  
"So, what do we do now?" Lily asked.   
  
"Much as I love you, Lily, you should probably get up. You're sitting on my homework. It'll be crushed."   
  
"You heard the man, Lils- off. You're crushing his scroll."   
  
Lily, Sirius, and Peter- who had stayed pretty much silent- burst out in laughter. Remus turned even redder, if that was possible.   
  
"Oh, Lord," James said, rolling his eyes. "You know I didn't mean it like that!"   
  
"That's right," Sirius reminded them all. "James has no sense of humor."   
  
Remus turned away to hide his red face and wipe a tear of mirth from the corner of his eye and looked out the window where the sun was just beginning to set in a fiery glory.   
  
Remus jumped up, accidentally causing Lily and the highly controversial scroll to spill off his lap and onto the floor. He turned back to the others. They had all stood up as well, thinking there was something wrong, and were looking at Remus with concern. His face was white and his amber/blue eyes were wide. His mouth opened, closed, then opened again.   
  
"I-I have to go!" he said, pulling his shoes on in a rush.   
  
"What's the hurry?" Sirius asked.   
  
"My . . . my aunt," Remus replied, shoving a foot into his shoe.   
  
"The one that died five months ago?"   
  
_Shit!_ Remus scrambled for a plausible lie. "No, umm, the other one. She's . . . sick. Have to go. Supposed to catch the train. She's a Muggle. At a Muggle hospital. Got to go. Can't _believe_ I forgot! _Stupid_!" he growled almost violently to himself, an action that astonished his friends. That was the meanest thing they had ever seen mild-mannered Remus do, and it was to himself.   
  
"What do you think _that_ was about?" Peter asked after the exit was closed.   
  
James frowned. "I dunno."   
  
Lily frowned as well. "Is he always like this?" she asked. Lily had only been going around with James's crowd recently- about mid-term of this year, when she and James had bonded over a group assignment.   
  
"Yeah," Sirius nodded. "His family's got pretty rotten luck. Every couple of months, one of them gets sick."   
  
Lily's head snapped over to Sirius. "When was the last time?" she asked.   
  
Sirius looked to the other two for help. "Four months ago," James answered. "When his cousin was ill."   
  
"And has he been absent since then?"   
  
"Yeah," Peter piped up. "About four and a half weeks ago his Dad's cousin got married."   
  
"They must've let old Remy into the beer, cos he came back with a hangover if I ever saw one!" Sirius snickered. "Aching all over, poor chap."   
  
Lily wanted to ask what a second-year at Hogwarts would know about hangovers, but she kept her mouth shut about that. "What color are Remus's eyes?" she asked instead.   
  
The boys looked at her like she had lost it. Hadn't she just been _looking_ at them?   
  
"They're blue, I think," James answered.   
  
"What _kind_ of blue?" Lily pressed. "_All_ blue, or blue with another color . . . ?"   
  
"They're all blue," Sirius said. He'd had to un-curse one of Remus's eyes once. After spending so much time staring at an eye, he knew it.   
  
"I have to go," Lily said suddenly, jumping up and running to the girls' dorm. The three remaining looked after her quizzically.   
  
"Girls are _so_ strange," Peter said, voicing the general opinion.   
  
  
  
Remus ran across the grounds of Hogwarts like a Dementor was chasing him. He was out of breath when he reached the Whomping Willow. The sun was still pretty high in the horizon.   
  
"So . . . sorry," he managed to gasp out. "Lost . . . track . . . of time . . ."   
  
Poppy Pomfrey smiled, though it was somewhat strained. "Don't worry, Remus, you're early. As always."   
  
Remus looked up at her curiously. Realizing that he was checking to make sure she really wasn't angry with him, Poppy tried to make her smile look more real. She had never met a sweeter boy, or a better patient, but he was a _werewolf_, for God's sake! And it was almost night time on a full moon. She had every right to be afraid of him, as she was now.   
  
Seeming satisfied, Remus stepped through the secret entrance under the Whomping Willow.   
  
"Good night, Remus Lupin," Poppy called as cheerfully as she could, giving a little wave. "Sleep tight."   
  
"Good night, Madam Pomfrey," Remus answered with just as much false cheer. He waved to her as the door closed. This had become their little custom.   
  
Poppy backed off and the Whomping Willow started up again, sealing Remus in and everyone else out.   
  
Poppy shook her head as she walked back to the castle. She unclasped her hands for a moment to wipe a tear away as she heard the first scream of pain echo through the dark night.   
  
"I don't envy that poor boy a bit," she whispered to herself as she shut the door, hoping to shut out the screams, which could still be faintly heard. Hogwarts students would mistake them for nothing more than an overactive imagination. Or perhaps ghosts. They wouldn't guess the truth, and Remus certainly wouldn't tell anyone. The only people who knew his dirty little secret were the professors, Dumbledore, and her.   
  
"Don't envy him a bit," Poppy repeated.   
  
  
  
Remus screamed as he felt his bones begin to rearrange. He tried not to, but it was nearly impossible. The pain was so intense, and it was all over his body.   
  
Sometimes, before he lost his human mind, Remus prayed for death. He would bargain with the God he was raised to believe in, begging for release from the pain and suffering. He did that now. But mostly he screamed.   
  
Had someone entered the house- dubbed the "Shrieking Shack" by locals- twenty minutes later, they would not have seen a boy who would turn thirteen on June fourth. All they would see- if they were lucky- was a wolf, walking back and forth throughout the house, yearning to get free.   
  
And eyes- amber, the color of honey, glowing in the dark as they searched for human prey.   
  
  
  
Lily stayed up late looking through her Defense Against the Dark Arts book. She sighed in disgust. It didn't have what she wanted. One would think, in a second year textbook . . .   
  
Lily was about to give up until morning when she thought she heard something in the distance. She cocked her head to one side- there it was again. She could barely hear it. It might just be her imagination. Realizing what- who- it must be, Lily turned white. Suddenly, she couldn't wait until morning.   
  
She jumped out of bed and raced up to the Gryffindor boy's dorms, using a spell that made the tip of her wand glow with light. She searched until she came to the door marked "Zack Applegate, Sirius Black, Remus Lupin, Peter Pettigrew, James Potter".   
  
Lily paused for a moment, then pushed the door open. She walked into the room, barely controlling the urge to giggle as she searched for the bed containing James Potter.   
  
The first bed was empty. That was Remus's.   
  
The second was Sirius Black. His eyes blinked. "Hmmm, am I in one of James's dreams?" he asked sleepily.   
  
"Yes," Lily said because, in her shock, she had no better response.   
  
"All right then." He turned over and snored.   
  
Controlling her laughter was getting more and more difficult as Lily found James's bed. She shook him awake.   
  
"What?" he asked sleepily, grabbing his glasses. "What's wrong?" He saw who was there and jumped. "_Lily_! What're _you_ doing here?"   
  
"Shhh!" Lily shushed him, waving her hand urgently. "Quiet, or you'll wake the whole bloody school, and how would that look?"   
  
"What're you doing here?" James asked, now quieter and more alert.   
  
"I need to borrow your invisibility cloak."   
  
James looked at her oddly. "Is it about whatever set you and Remus off earlier? Is something wrong with him?"   
  
Lily hesitated before answering. "Yes to both."   
  
"Do you know what?"   
  
"I think I do, but I should go to the library to be sure. Now can I borrow your cloak or not?"   
  
"Yes, but we're coming with you."   
  
"Wait a minute," Lily bristled, "what do you mean, '_we_'?"   
  
"Me and Sirius and Peter. We're coming along."   
  
"Oh, _no_ you're not!" Lily said.   
  
"He's our _friend_," James pointed out. "I want to know what you think is wrong with him."   
  
Lily thought for a minute, then sighed. "All right. Wake up Peter. I'll get Sirius. We need to be quiet, though. I mean absolutely _no noise_."   
  
"Yes ma'am!" James saluted. Lily rolled her eyes.   
  
  
  
Somehow they all fit under that invisibility cloak. Somehow they got down to the library without being caught.   
  
Lily walked through the library, only somewhat aware that the three boys were following her. She ran her fingers along the spines of the books. She stopped when she got to one, read the title, and pulled it out. She opened the book, flipping through the pages until she found what she wanted.   
  
In five minutes- the time it took her to read and re-read a passage in that book- Lily's face lost all the cheer it usually held.   
  
"What's the matter with her?" Sirius asked in a stage whisper. Lily held the book out. James took it and looked at the cover.   
  
"_Werewolves: the Wolf-Men_?"   
  
"Turn to page two hundred thirty," Lily replied dully.   
  
James obediently turned to the page and read. Sirius and Peter read over his shoulder.   
  
"But-" Sirius stopped, then started again. "But what does this have to do with Remus. You're not saying . . ."   
  
"Oh, come on," Lily snapped. "It makes sense. He's gone once a month, _coincidently_ on the full moon. Every time he explains it away, but . . . you all know what a bad liar Remus is."   
  
Peter snickered at a really funny memory, one of the times they had gotten into trouble, but the laugh caught in his throat.   
  
"His aunt must have died three times in the past two years."   
  
"He could have more than one aunt," Sirius reasoned. "That doesn't make him a _werewolf_."   
  
"And all his relatives _just happen_ to die. Or get sick. Or marry. Or have children. Or . . . whatever. He must have a pretty big family, for all this stuff to be happening in the space of two years. Once a month."   
  
Sirius had no retort for this, so he just glared at Lily.   
  
James sighed. "What do we do?"   
  
Lily looked up, surprised. "I . . . I don't know. I was hoping I was wrong so much that I hadn't really planned past this part."   
  
  
  
  
_to be continued . . ._   
  
  
  



	5. of past regret and future fear

***Author**: Jania Jitsu  
***Disclaimer**: I don't even know why I even bother. If they haven't been mine in the last _four_ parts, I highly doubt they're mine now. Chances are, they still belong to J.K. Rowling. (Warner Brothers _who_?)  
***Feedback**: jania_jitsu@yahoo.com  
***Warnings/Notes**: I've done my best, but I may have gotten something off a bit. Sorry if I have. You can choose to notify me and my future stories would be grateful, and I'll probably change it here, too. (I think I'm just gonna leave all that there as kind of a second disclaimer.)   
  
This part was named after an ER episode. I'm an ER nut. : D   
  
I would like to note here that my original intents have been pretty much tossed out. Originally this was supposed to be a 3rd year fic from Lupin's perspective. I'll probably return there later, but for now it's a lot of remembering.   
  
Much thanks to Scarlet, my fantastic beta-reader.   
  
And, finally, the next part. Yes, I'm still with the previous flashback. This part got kind of weird because I had to write a flashback-within-a-flashback. : )   
  
  
  
  
  
  
Remus woke up in the school infirmary feeling like hell. It wasn't a new feeling. Neither was the fear. He didn't remember anything. Remus checked the beds, but didn't see anyone. That reassured him greatly. There was a good chance, then, that he hadn't bitten anyone. Some of the fear subsided and Remus felt better. Then that, just the same as always, was followed by shame.   
  
He was a monster. Something terrible that should be locked away forever. That's what his father had said, wasn't it? What were his exact words? Something about shooting every damned one of them.   
  
  
  
  
_His father was reading the paper. Five-year-old Remus "read" too, from his father's lap. A werewolf had broken loose from somewhere and it was roaming the country.   
  
"Another Muggle dead," Remus's father raged. "They should just round up every damned one of those werewolves and shoot them. Then we wouldn't have these problems."   
  
"Abbott!" Remus's mother protested in a scandalized Irish accent. Her curly hair shook with her head. She shushed the newborn baby in the crib next to her and turned back to Remus's father. "Cursing in front of the children like that!"   
  
"Sorry, Maddie," Remus's father said sheepishly.   
  
"Forgiven," his mother replied lightly, with a little smile as she changed the subject. "Do you think they'll be calling you, then?"   
  
"They should be soon," Remus's father replied, eager to get off the subject of his bad language. Remus looked at his mother's disappointed face curiously. She was about to say something, when a head popped up in the fireplace. Remus giggled.   
  
"Lupin," the fireplace head said, "we need you to come in."   
  
"Get down, Remus, Daddy needs to work."   
  
Remus obeyed his father, eager to get closer to the talking head. He had seen them a few times before, but his father usually took "calls" in his study.   
  
The head smiled, seeing him. "Is that little Remus?"   
  
Remus's father smiled with pride. "Yes."   
  
"He's getting so big."   
  
"We've got a little girl now too."   
  
"I heard. Well, I'll have to pay you a visit some time, make sure these little ones aren't giving you too much grief. And I think I owe Remus here some Auror training."   
  
Remus's face lit up. "That would be great, sir!" He'd always wanted to be just like his daddy.   
  
"I'm going to let you go now. Get your things, Lupin, and come down to the office. We'll give you the mission details there." The head disappeared from the fireplace.   
  
Remus followed his father around the house, helping him gather his equipment and staring in awe as the gun and the silver knife went into the belt.   
  
Remus's mother had been rocking in her chair all this time, but now she stood up from her chair and walked over to her husband. Her face was white with fear.   
  
"Don't go, Abbott," she whispered.   
  
"I have to."   
  
"But I--I've got a bad feeling about this."   
  
Remus's father laughed lovingly and kissed her nose. "You have a bad feeling about every mission I go on, love."   
  
Remus's mother bristled. "I do _ not _, Abbott! And maybe, just maybe, you should listen to me! Someday something terrible is going to happen, and you're going to wish you had listened to me!"   
  
There was a silence as Remus's parents pulled back from each other.   
  
"Madra," Remus's father said, his voice soft, but firm, "I am an Auror. It's my job. I accepted the risks a long time ago."   
  
"So that means _ I _ have to?!" Remus's mother shouted. "What about _ me _, sitting at home, waiting, hoping that you'll come back okay, crying for joy every time you do?!"   
  
"You knew that was the price!" Remus's father shouted back. "I explained everything to you. If you didn't like it then you shouldn't have married me!"   
  
There was another silence as Remus's parents stared at each other in shock for a moment and Remus stared at the two of them with wide eyes. He had never seen them fight like this before. He had never seen them fight, period.   
  
"Maybe I shouldn't have," his mother said quietly. Her voice was soft and terrible. She sounded like she had thought this horrible thought before, and hated herself then too.   
  
His father responded almost immediately. "Maddie . . . I'm an ass. I'm sorry. I didn't mean any of that. You know I didn't mean it."   
  
Remus's mother nodded, her eyes to the ground. "I know. Neither did I. Go on, now," she said, and her voice was flat, without emotion. "They're calling you." That came out bitterly.   
  
Remus's father nodded. He kissed her (Remus covered his eyes) and walked over to the baby, kissed her on her forehead, and rubbed her tummy. (He always said that was for luck.) Then he walked over to Remus and said, "You can come out of the corner now, son. Mommy and Daddy aren't going to yell anymore."   
  
Remus crawled out of the corner, set himself on his feet, and walked over to where his father knelt. He wrapped his arms around his father's neck.   
  
"Daddy, Mommy's got a feeling about this. Like when Gamma died." His voice was small and childish as he begged. "Do you _ hafta _ go?"   
  
"Remy, we talked about this before, remember? Daddy has to work so he can bring home nice things for you and Mommy and Damita. Can you do me a favor? Can you be a big boy for me? Watch over your mother and sister?"   
  
Remus straightened up and put on a serious face that made his father smile. Remus and his father nodded at the same time.   
  
"All right, then. Be good and make sure the cat doesn't get out."   
  
Remus nodded again and held his mother's hand as his father Apparated away. He looked up at his mother's grim face and knew that something _was_ going to happen, and that nothing would ever be the same again. _   
  
  
  
  
James, Peter, and Sirius noted that Remus wasn't in Potions the next morning. Lily shot them a knowing look. Sirius crossed his eyes back at her and muttered something that sounded suspiciously about "damned know-it-all chicks". James would have elbowed him or something, but he was thinking pretty much the same thing now.   
  
"See?" she said once they were seated in History of Magic. "Am I right or am I right?" There wasn't a trace of smugness in her voice. She sounded incredibly sad.   
  
"It doesn't mean _anything_," Sirius replied stubbornly. "You can't expect him to be back in one day."   
  
"Yes, but he'll be back tomorrow. Watch."   
  
Remus _was_ back the next day, looking tired and ill. He came running into Double Potions late, winded and pale in the face. Professor Archer stopped for a moment and looked at him. She had an odd look on her face that went away quickly as she nodded for him to sit down and continued with the lesson.   
  
This put the Slytherins into a near-riotous state. Why hadn't he gotten in trouble? Where were the detentions? Where was the scolding? The two-foot essay about being on punctuality and decorum, due the next day OR ELSE?   
  
_Why didn't Remus Lupin get in trouble_?!   
  
Remus avoided all eye contact as he sat next to Sirius and James. Sirius had an incredulous face, looking first at Archer, and then at Remus, who ducked his head. The entire class was watching him and it was quite an uncomfortable feeling.   
  
"I'm up _here_," Professor Archer said irritably. "When Lupin becomes a Hogwarts professor you can stare at him all you want, but until then I'll ask you to concentrate on Potions."   
  
The second-years begrudgingly turned to face their Potions teacher.   
  
  
  
"_What_ was _that_ about?" James asked as the quartet walked out of Potions. (It would have been a quintet, but Lily had run off, claiming to have some other business to tend to.)   
  
"What was what?" Remus asked, badly feigning innocence.   
  
Sirius rolled his eyes. "You didn't notice that you came in to Potions ten minutes late and Archer didn't say a word?"   
  
"I thought the Slytherins were going to form a mob," Peter added.   
  
Remus shrugged. "Maybe she was distracted. Maybe she figured I would have a good reason. Maybe she's going to corner me later, give me detention for a week, and take fifty points off Gryffindor. How should I know?"   
  
Remus walked away quickly, leaving his friends behind, open-mouthed and confused.   
  
"Now do you believe me?" a quiet voice behind them asked. The boys turned around and looked at Lily. She was looking at them sadly and clutching her books to her chest. "I told you. He's hiding something."   
  
"_That doesn't mean he's a werewolf_!" Sirius hissed. "I know Remus. He's my best friend. He would-"   
  
Lily laughed, interrupting Sirius. "What? _Tell_ you? Oh, yeah. I can picture _that_. You're performing some hilarious prank. The sun begins to set. Remus says, in his perfect grammar, 'Whoops! Sorry, but I need to leave now. The full moon is coming out and _werewolves like me_ need to go somewhere where we can't _attack and kill_, or possibly even _bite_, regular humans like _you_, who hate werewolves and kill them on a regular basis because of your silly prejudices.'" Lily took a breath and smiled brightly, giving a little wave. "'Hope you understand!'"   
  
"She does a pretty good impression of Remus, for a girl," Sirius whispered.   
  
Lily continued as if she hadn't heard him. "And can't you just see _that_ scene going through Remus's head? He tells you and you: A- Run off screaming. B- Tell Dumbledore and get him kicked out of Hogwarts. C- Tell the whole school and the students proceed to ostracize him until he is forced to leave Hogwarts. D- Stick a silver knife in his heart."   
  
"We wouldn't-" James began, but Lily interrupted again.   
  
"_I_ know that. _You_ know that. But Remus _doesn't_. Haven't you noticed how closed off he is? And how excited he gets about little things, like gifts, or compliments, or friends? How about how upset he gets over his mistakes, or the bad things people say? Did you ever notice any of _that_?"   
  
"He's intense," Sirius argued. "That _doesn't_ make him a werewolf!"   
  
"You know what?" Lily snapped. "I'm sick of arguing with you, because you obviously don't trust me enough to believe me. You can ask Remus if you really want to know." With that, Lily stormed off.   
  
A few moments later, Peter spoke. "I think I believe her," he said in a quiet voice.   
  
"_You would_," Sirius said with disgust.   
  
"I think I do to," James said in a voice just as quiet as Peter's.   
  
"You're-- you-- _ugh_!" Sirius stomped off.   
  
  
  
  
"We have to ask him."   
  
"I thought we went over this, James: _no we don't_."   
  
"Sirius, we have to ask him. We have to try, at least."   
  
"No, Peter, we don't."   
  
"Look, maybe Lily's wrong. Maybe he isn't a . . . you know. But _something_ is bothering Remus. We need to-- we _owe_ it to him to find out what it is and see if we can help him."   
  
James had a good point. Sirius sighed. After a moment he spoke. "All right, then. Let's go get this over with."   
  
Remus was down in the conveniently empty Gryffindor common room studying a book critically. He looked up semi-casually when his friends entered. Sirius cursed their luck. Had one person- _just one person_- been in the common room they would have abandoned the plan and talked about Quidditch or something.   
  
"Hey." Remus looked at their grave, sad expressions and immediately stood up. "What's wrong?" he asked, concern in his voice. "Are you guys okay? Where's Lily?"   
  
_That's so . . . _Remus, Sirius thought. _He's automatically worried about everyone else. _   
  
"We're all okay," James reassured him. "We just . . . needed to ask you something. If anything was wrong."   
  
Remus looked at them uncomfortably. "What do you mean?"   
  
"Well, I mean, Remus, you're our friend. That's like a brother." James began to ramble, looking around uncomfortably. "So we care about you, you know? And a lot of stuff's been happening to you lately and we-"   
  
"Remus, are you a werewolf?"   
  
"Sirius!" James and Peter exclaimed. James turned around and punched him in the shoulder, but only because that happened to be the first place his fist contacted. Sirius fell back a few steps before he regained his balance, scowling at James, then directing his attention back to Remus.   
  
Remus's eyes had gone wide and his jaw dropped. His hand went up to cover his mouth. His face got several shades whiter than it usually was and he sat down hard, missing the chair and tumbling to the floor. Not that he noticed.   
  
"What? How-- how did you find out?" he whispered. "You . . . know . . ."   
  
Remus stopped talking, got up, and walked mechanically out of the room. His walk turned into a run as he got past the portrait of the Fat Lady.   
  
"Way to go, Sirius," James said irritably, looking as if he wanted to punch the other boy again.   
  
"Well, you didn't do any better!" Sirius retorted.   
  
"What's wrong with Remy?" Lily asked walking into the room. "He was acting really un-Remus-like. He was running down the hall and he knocked into me. Didn't even really apologized, just mumbled something. I think he was crying."   
  
She looked from James, to Peter, to Sirius. They all looked at the floor.   
  
"You _didn't_," she said quietly.   
  
"You told us to," Peter reminded her in a whiney voice.   
  
"Under my careful supervision! You need me here to make sure you don't say or do anything stupid like _this_! I can't _believe_ you three! Remus is your friend! How _could_ you?"   
  
"We have to do something," James decided.   
  
"What _can_ we do?" Peter wondered.   
  
Sirius stood up and started walking briskly towards the door. "Well I'm going to find him. You three can come along if you like."   
  
He didn't even pause at the portrait of the Fat Lady, but everyone had caught up to him already, so he didn't need to.   
  
  
  
Minerva McGonagall looked out her window to see a strange sight. Remus Lupin running, and followed a few seconds later by James Potter, Sirius Black, Peter Pettigrew . . . and was that Lily Evans leading those three? She was quite a sprinter. The last four were all shouting something that Minerva could hear, but not make out.   
  
Minerva shook her head. Children these days were so strange. Why, just last week those four boys sent a package to young Severus Snape. Needless to say, everyone was surprised when the dungbomb exploded, though Minerva didn't know why.   
  
They were always up to something. She had grown so sick of shouting their names that she had complained to Dumbledore. And what was the man's advice? Give their group a name so you won't have to shout so much! Sometimes she really wondered about him, though she had taken his advice.   
  
So what were those Marauders up to now?   
  
  
  
Remus ran through the Hogwarts grounds without a set destination. He didn't really care where he was going. He just needed to hide out until sundown, when he would sneak back into Gryffindor tower, pack his things, and leave.   
  
But what if they got the Fat Lady to change the password? That would make sense. They wouldn't want something like _him_ to be able to get back in.   
  
Remus wiped tears from his eyes, ashamed to be crying. (His uncle said that crying was for little girls. Uncle didn't even cry when his own sister died. But his uncle didn't have to leave the one place on Earth where he felt happy. So what did his uncle know?)   
  
That was it, then. He would have to go home. Go to a Muggle school and live like a Muggle. Maybe he could get a job of some sort for weekends and holidays so he wouldn't be that much of a burden on his family. Because, _oh_, his father would be so angry with him!   
  
Remus paused at the entrance to the Forbidden Forest uncertainly. He could go in there and wait until it was safe again. It would be a very good place to hide. But it was called the Forbidden Forest for a reason. Probably a very good reason, actually, though Remus didn't know what it was.   
  
"Remus!" a voice behind him called. It was Peter.   
  
"Remy, wait up!" That would be Lily. She had little pet names for all of them: Jamey, Siri, Petey, and Remy.   
  
Remus turned around and looked at them with confusion. Why were they following him? What did they want? His heart skipped a beat. Were they going to _kill_ him?   
  
Remus looked for a place he could run to. The only way he could go was into the Forbidden Forest.   
  
Remus took a step backwards.   
  
"Remus, where are you going?"   
  
"_Duh_, James," Sirius said, rolling his eyes. "That's the Forbidden Forest behind him. He's not going to bloody France. Not like that, anyway."   
  
"Well, either way, stop it!" James said. "Come on and we'll all talk."   
  
"About what?" Remus asked.   
  
"About what a screw-up Sirius is . . . the weather . . . how badly the Chudley Cannons suck . . . I dunno. "   
  
"So," Remus said slowly, "you don't think . . ."   
  
"What?" Sirius asked. "That you're a horrible monster? Of course not. We aren't carrying anything silver, are we?"   
  
"Shove it, Sirius," Lily snapped as she tried to catch her breath. "You three have already botched this up enough. Let me talk." She turned to Remus. "Remy, we're your friends. That means you're stuck with us forever. We could _never_ hate you."   
  
"Yeah," Peter added, "not even if you suddenly became friends with Snape."   
  
Lily glared at him and then at James and Sirius, who were laughing a little at the comment.   
  
"Don't mind these idiots," she said fiercely. "Talk to _me_." When he said nothing she tried again. "You need to talk to _somebody_, Remus. This must be a lot for one person to deal with."   
  
Remus looked up at them, his eyes more trusting but still very sad. He _did_ need to talk to someone . . . they had no idea.   
  
After nearly a minute he finally spoke, startling the other four with the sudden noise.   
  
"I was five years old. My father was- still is- an Auror. A werewolf broke loose from some prison or something. My mother . . . she got these feelings about things. Intuition. She got it from her mother, so I suppose it's genetic." Apparently it only went to girls, though, because Remus knew _he_ had never had any psychic revelations.   
  
"She didn't want him to go. But he had to. It was his job. He told me to look after Mother and my little sister Damita. She was just a baby then- only a month old."   
  
Remus took a deep breath and told them what happened after his father left.   
  
"My mother walked around the house at least twenty times that night, not even pretending to be cleaning up. She was shutting windows and locking doors. I didn't like the shut windows. It made my room stuffy. So I didn't tell my mother when I opened my window. It wasn't all the way. Just a little bit. I didn't see-- didn't think anything was wrong . . ."   
  
He shook his head and continued. "We were in the living room. My little sister was sleeping in her room. Merlin- the stupid cat- got out through the little doggy door my father had cut for when we got a dog. I-" Remus took a deep breath and looked up at the sky, as if it would help him to be strong. "I went out to get him. My mother came back from checking on Damita just in time to see me go through the door . . ."   
  
  
  
_The full moon illuminated the yard and the small stretch of woods by it so that Remus could almost see clearly.   
  
"Meeeeerliiiinnnn," he called. "Merlin, come on, you stupid cat. Mommy and Daddy said to stay inside!"   
  
"REMUS!" his mother shrieked from the doorway. "Remus _come back_! Forget that damned cat and get in here_ NOW_!"   
  
Remus's eyes widened. His mother had said a bad word.   
  
"Mommy?" he asked. She was running across the yard. She grabbed him roughly around the middle, hauled him up, and ran into the house faster than Remus had ever seen anyone run in his life.   
  
Of course, all the walls in the world couldn't make a difference when the danger was already within.   
  
Remus's mother flung the door open and set Remus down. Then she screamed.   
  
Remus looked up and saw what she saw: there was a really, really big dog in the house growling at them.   
  
"Mommy . . . ?"   
  
"Remus," his mother said slowly, "back outside slowly. Then run into the barn and close the door. Put as many heavy things as you can in front of it._ Don't open the door unless Daddy or I come_, Remus. Do you understand?"   
  
Remus did as she said, backing slowly towards the door, but the dog started growling menacingly and he stopped.   
  
Then several things happened at once:   
  
"Remus, GO!" his mother shouted.   
  
Remus ran out the door and shut it.   
  
But not before he saw the dog leap onto his mother.   
  
Remus shoved the door open and ran back inside. The dog was _chewing_ on his mommy! There was blood all over the place. _It was hurting his mommy _! She wasn't even moving . . .   
  
Remus grabbed the fire-poker-stick-thing and poked the dog in the side. "LET MY MOMMY GO!" he shouted, but his voice was small and childlike. It didn't scare the monster.   
  
The big gray dog turned to him and growled. Remus started backing up again, waving the fire-poker-stick-thing at the dog to keep it off. He got out the door and started running towards the barn.   
  
The dog was too quick. It caught up with him and tackled him from behind. Remus wriggled until he was in a ball, but the dog didn't go away. It did stop moving for a moment and looked over at the horizon. It looked like it knew something.   
  
Remus peeked between his fingers and saw the first rays of dawn peeking out hopefully from the trees. The dog turned back to Remus and bit him on the arm, but then backed off. It stood up on its hind legs and transformed into a man.   
  
"Tell your father," the wolf-man said in a very tired, hoarse voice. "Tell him that he took what was mine, so I have taken what is his. C'est la vie."   
  
  
  
Remus woke up in a hospital bed. His father was in a corner of the room, surrounded by Aurors and authorities. Remus whimpered.   
  
"Remus?" His father crossed the big room in three steps. "Remus, are you all right? How do you feel?"   
  
"There was a big dog, Daddy, and he-- he turned into a man. The dog bit Mommy up and he bi-"   
  
"Did he say anything to you?" Remus's father interrupted Remus, who was about to say that the dog had bitten him as well.   
  
Remus thought. "Yes. He said something about you taking his stuff, so he took your stuff. And he said something else about Sayla Vee."   
  
Remus didn't know who that was, but apparently his father did. He paled. "C'est la vie," he said in a quiet voice. "Ulf Connor was always saying that to me."   
  
One of the Aurors looked up with surprise. "Isn't that the father of the pup and bitch you-"   
  
"Yes."   
  
"It was a _trap_ . . . ?" A young Auror- a rookie- asked incredulously. Remus's father didn't answer. He closed his eyes and looked away.   
  
"Well, we'll find him," the man whose head had popped up in the fireplace at Remus's house promised. He looked at his companions. "Come on, all of you. Give Abbott some time with his son."   
  
When everyone else had left, Remus's father walked over to his bed. He pushed aside the hospital gown, exposing Remus's shoulder. He saw the silvery crescent-shaped scar, magically healed in less than five minutes. It was so small it was nearly hidden by the boy's collarbone and, had he not known what he was looking for, Remus's father would have missed it.   
  
Abbott Lupin nodded and sat on the arm of a chair in the corner._   
  
  
  
  
  
**Note**: HA! I snuck the name Connor in! HA! ; ) By the way, Abbott means Father and Madra means Mother. Damita means Little Princess. Ulf means Wolf. Connor still means wolf-lover. "C'est la vie"- French- "that is life".   
  
By the way, I know I'm a while inbetween updates. If you want me to e-mail you whenever I update, just let me know in a review or an e-mail or something. Oh, and leave the e-mail, too. : )   
  
  
  



	6. the rest of the story (letters and conce...

  
  
  
  
***Author**: Jania Jitsu  
***Disclaimer**: Hey, wanna know a secret? All the characters in this story that I didn't make up don't belong to me! _Whoa_! They actually belong to J.K. Rowling and WB, et cetera. Although they may feel free to hand over the rights any time they want to.  
***Feedback**: jania_jitsu@yahoo.com  
***Spoilers**: It's possible. You are warned.  
***Season/Sequel Info**: Takes place before and during _Prisoner of Azkaban_. And I've decided that this'll go after, too, given the plot I'm busy setting up.  
***Warnings/Notes**: I've done my best, but I may have gotten something off a bit. Sorry if I have. You can choose to notify me and my future stories would be grateful, and I'll probably change it here, too. (I think I'm just gonna leave all that there as kind of a second disclaimer.)   
  
**Thanks again to the excellent Scarlet, my beta-reader! Hugs and ice cream to you for being fabulous.**   
  
Oh, yeah, and if the crying seems odd, I'll remind you: They're young. Young = innocent, especially before the nineties. : ) They're not used to bad things happening.   
  
By the way, the opening scene, just before Remus starts his story up again: I had this really vivid mental picture- like a camera panning from character to character so you could see their reactions. We start off with Lily . . .   
  
  
  
  
**the rest of the story (letters and concerns)**   
  
  
  
  
Lily was in tears. They were running down her cheeks, leaving little trails of water that dripped off of her face and onto her Hogwarts school robes. She sniffled and wiped her nose on a hanky. James's arm was around her, patting her shoulder in a vain attempt to give comfort. He was close to tears as well, but was holding them back proudly. Peter was not as ashamed of his tears as Sirius, who was rubbing his eyes and sniffling conspicuously.   
  
Remus stopped talking immediately. "I--I'm sorry," he said with concern. "Are you all right?"   
  
"Oh, yeah," Lily sobbed with a wave of her hand. "We're all fine, aren't we, Jamey?"   
  
"Just peachy," James said in a tiny, wavering voice. He smiled, but it looked more like a grimace of pain. Sirius tried to add something, but it came out as a strangled sob, which turned quickly into a cough.   
  
"I should stop," Remus said. "I didn't mean to upset you this much."   
  
"No," Lily said firmly. "You talk until you've said everything you need to. We'll be fine. This is your therapy. We aren't important."   
  
Remus looked uncertainly at the other three, who all nodded mutely.   
  
"All right then," he said, still hesitant. "I guess I'll go on then."   
  
Remus didn't tell his friends about the funeral where his uncle, aunt, and three cousins spat at him. He did not tell them about his grandmother, who gave him a vice-like hug for five minutes and no one would tell her that he was screaming and crying because of her silver jewelry. He did not tell them about the transformations. He was calmer now, so he could edit his story to protect them. They didn't need to hear about all that pain.   
  
"I led a sheltered life," Remus said. "I was home-schooled and I wasn't allowed to play with the other children, except for my little sister. Ami wasn't told why I always got sick, but she knew that she wasn't supposed to talk about it to anyone.   
  
"My father dotes on her. The average person wouldn't be able to tell the difference, but I know. I can tell he loves her more. Then again, she didn't kill her mother."   
  
"REMUS!" Lily nearly shouted with horror. "You did _not_ kill your mother!"   
  
Remus shook his head sadly.   
  
"You _didn't_," Lily insisted, but Remus continued with his story and ignored her.   
  
  
  
  
_One summer, when Ami was five, the first owl came. The children thought nothing of it. Their father got owls all the time and he didn't treat this one like it was all that special, so they had no reason to believe that it was different. Remus's father sent a reply and continued with his breakfast.   
  
Soon, though, they were getting a nearly constant stream of owls. Some were normal-looking letters, but some came in red envelopes that seemed to quiver with the anticipation of being opened. Remus's father grimaced and took these to the barn to read. He always came back looking tired or angry.   
  
"Those are Howlers," Remus explained to Ami each time in a quiet, patient voice. "You open them up and the person who sent it to you screams like a banshee for a few minutes. They shout at you until they run out of air, and then they just take a deep breath and start all over again."   
  
Ami raised her eyebrows and took a bite of cereal. It was some "tooth rotting sugar nonsense" as their father called it, but Ami loved the stuff so he bought it for her.   
  
On this particular day, Remus's father got no less than eight Howlers, but he came back into the house with a grin on his face because of the one regular letter.   
  
He was whistling a song- one that Remus's mother used to sing. Remus listened for a moment. The Beatles? It was . . . oh, he couldn't remember the name. Muggle music had been his mother's thing. She had tried to push it on Remus, who had responded enthusiastically. But that had stopped after five years when-   
  
Anyway. What song was it? The one that went: "nothing you can do that can't be done / nothing you can sing that can't be sung / all you need is love / all you need is love, love, love . . . / love is all you need".   
  
Or something like that, anyway.   
  
Remus was curious as to why his father was so happy. This was the happiest Remus had seen him in five years. But his father wasn't responding. He was sitting at the table eating toast like nothing was unusual.   
  
Remus was just beginning to suppose that maybe it was nothing to do with them when his father finally spoke.   
  
"Remus should be getting a very important letter today," he said mildly.   
  
Remus and Ami looked up at their father curiously, but there was no time for him to elaborate. An owl was scratching at the window. Remus opened the window and the owl flew in. It dropped a letter by Remus's place at the table and waited patiently while Ami fed it bits of her father's toast.   
  
Remus picked up the letter to give it to his father, but his father smiled and shook his head. "Who is it addressed to, Remus?"   
  
Remus frowned quizzically, but looked down at the address.   
  
"Mr. R. J. Lupin," he read out loud. "The Room at the End of the Hall. Number 19, MacGregor Road. Scotland Countryside." Remus looked up in surprise. "It's for me."   
  
"Go on," his father urged in his crisp British accent. "What does it say?"   
  
"Who's it from?" Ami asked eagerly.   
  
"I don't know, ask Remus."   
  
Remus got the feeling that his father knew very well who the letter was from, and what it said, too, but for some reason he was pretending not to.   
  
Remus broke the wax seal on the back and opened up the letter. His eyes grew wider and more excited with each word he read.   
  
  
  
_Dear Mr. Lupin,_ the letter said._   
  
We are pleased to inform you that you have been accepted at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Please find enclosed a list of all necessary books and equipment.   
  
Term begins September first. We await you owl no later than July 31st.   
  
Sincerely,   
  
Minerva McGonagall   
Deputy Headmistress._   
  
  
  
Remus looked up at his grinning father and gave a shout.   
  
"I got in! _I_ got _in_! I'M GOING TO HOGWARTS!"   
  
"No boy of mine would go anywhere else," Remus's father said proudly. "I went to Hogwarts for seven years. And your mother-" here his voice cracked a bit- "your mother went to Hogwarts as well."   
  
This statement, said with such unadulterated pride, grounded Remus. He froze in an instant.   
  
"Oh, _Father_," he said, clutching the letter tightly in his hands. "What am I going to do?"   
  
"_Go_, of course."   
  
"I mean . . . you know. I get . . . ill."   
  
Ami looked from her father to her older brother, following the conversation carefully. Those were two Unspeakable subjects that had been broached- Ami's mother and Remus's mysterious illness.   
  
"Don't worry," Father said with a smile. "Everything's been taken care of." _   
  
  
  
  
"Why didn't you tell your sister about . . ."   
  
"My lycanthropy?" Remus filled in.   
  
Peter nodded. "That's the word I was looking for."   
  
"I don't really know. I suppose my father wants to protect her. She looks and acts exactly like my mother. He has a real soft spot where she's concerned."   
  
Sirius looked up and spoke for the first time. "You said 'wants'. He 'wants to protect her'. Do you mean she _still_ doesn't know?"   
  
Remus shook his head. "I suppose my father has to tell her one day. But she's only seven." Remus smiled fondly. "She adores her big brother at Hogwarts. She owls me all the time."   
  
"We noticed," James said in a weak attempt at a joke. Only Remus smiled.   
  
"You think that's strange?" Remus asked. "Wait until you hear about my visitors."   
  
"Visitors?"   
  
"Werewolves. They came from _everywhere_ to see the boy who got accepted to a magic school. None of them knew my name because it hadn't been released- I was just 'the magic boy'. We got a family of Yanks once. They came directly to the house with their werewolf son who wanted my autograph, of all the silly things. My father told them to try down the road.   
  
"And then I came here and," he shrugged, "you know the rest of the story."   
  
"Not quite," James said. "Where do you stay on full moons?"   
  
"In the Shrieking Shack."   
  
"That's not possible," Sirius said with a frown. "There's no way in. We checked, remember?"   
  
"I probably shouldn't tell you this-" Remus winced thinking of all the things Sirius could think up to do, "but there's a secret passage under the Whomping Willow. You prod the knot with a long stick and it calms down. A door opens and a tunnel leads to the inside of the Shack."   
  
The prankster took over Sirius and he nodded appreciatively. "That could really come in handy."   
  
Lily glared at him, but Remus just rolled his eyes. Things seemed normal already. Even _more_ normal, if that was possible. It felt nice.   
  
  
  
  
_to be continued_ . . .   
  
  
  
  
The next part should be in present time. (i.e.: during PoA, not in a flashback.)   
  
A special thank you to everyone who has reviewed so far, because you can't know how happy it makes me and you deserve unlimited hugs and ice cream.   
  
Also, thank you to everyone who reviewed "Morning Paper" and "A Miracle Happened There". I really didn't think "Morning Paper" would do that well! (There may or may not be a sequel in the works. I'm playing with an idea.)   
  
But nobody ever reads poetry. (Jujit sulks and pouts.)   
  
  
  



End file.
